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4 Best Kept Tips For Men About Relationships
Friday, August 14th, 2009 • admin

Nanette Geiger, Law of Attraction Relationship Coach, writes… Contrary to accepted finding love advice that’s out there on the internet, asking your date a series of interview questions is one sure-fire way to make a bad first impression and have her looking for the door.

Seriously, imagine someone meeting you for the first (or tenth) time, asking you questions that you’d expect to hear on a job interview. Would that put YOU at ease? I don’t think so. The love advice you get from a man’s point of view, may not work from a woman’s perspective. From a woman’s point of view, a real man is a man who can communicate about what he wants and how he feels.

It’s more prevalent than ever for a real man to open her heart and communicate openly from her heart. The ability to openly communicate is a valuable trait and a turn on for most men.

Whether you’re looking for a casual relationship or someone to spend the rest of your life with, you must start from square one. For the best tips and Love Advice for Men the first place to start is to know what you want.

1. Knowing What You Want

What’s important to you? Get clear about what those qualities are and you’ll have an easier time knowing when you meet him. Is he funny, does she think you’re funny? Is it important to you that you share the same interests? Is she interesting, well-travelled? What about sports, hobbies, politics, or food?

When you know what you want you can start sampling from what you encounter in the world or in the relationships of your friends. What do you admire about the friends who have successful relationships? What are the elements that turn you off in other peoples’ relationships? When you’re straightforward and clear about what you want, trust me, you’ll be much more able to know when you’ve encountered Mr Right.

2. Be Flexible

When you’re flexible about how, when or who shows up, you’d be surprised on how much easier it is to attract the right one. I’m not suggesting that you compromise or settle for less. I’m proposing that you remain in the inquiry of ‘what if he’s even better than I can imagine?’ It’s possible to get even more than you asked for. That’s what happened for me. I got clear about what I wanted and I stopped listening to everyone else about how hard it was to meet eligible partners.

3. “BE” the Person You’d Like to Meet

That’s right. You got clear on the qualities and values you want in your lover. Now the question is, “are you anything like the person you’d like to meet”? I hope so. If not, you know what you have to do. Become like the person you want to meet. Then you’ll be a much greater match for your sweetie.

4. Let Go of the HOW

When you let go of the “way it’s supposed to happen” you allow the universe to works its magic. Though that may sound Woo-Woo, the truth is when you have a firm opinion about “HOW it supposed to be,” you limit yourself. You’re also in a resistant mode, which does nothing for the attractor factor.

When you’re looking, it’s much easier to find them when you know what you want. So get clear, go with the flow and be the kind of person you want to meet.

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Love Advice On Male Intimacy Issues
Sunday, June 14th, 2009 • admin

intimacy

It is obvious that the way men and women approach relationship is different.  Nothing unusual there.  But it is useful relationship intelligence to understand a bit more about how men and women are lined up towards intimacy. You can get info on How To Fix Relationship Problems here.

Men don’t generally practice intimacy in the same way as women.  They don’t get much practice growing up at nurturing, empathizing, and being other focused.  It was not in their enculteration as children.

Yes, men know how to communicate in relationship, but the way in which we communicate is often different than females, it is usually oriented towards problem-solving (a form of winning), and establishing dominance (or avoiding it from others).

Men grow up to know a lot about winning and dominance and not much about connection and intimacy and love.  As a general rule, men may not know that much about how to empathize and connect and nurture others.

Growing up, boys play different games than girls.  Playing cowboys and Indians and playing army, boys learn about territory and dominance.  Nothing wrong with boys playing such games, it is actually good for them developmentally, but they don’t learn much about loving and empathizing and nurturing.  You can get more How To Get Help For Relationships here.

Girls played with dolls.  They played house.  They had imaginary tea parties.  These are games of nurturing and socializing.  Girls actually learn and play at intimacy growing up.  This is a powerful difference.  So given the different ways genders are socialized, when it comes to building intimacy, who has the most innate skill?

Is it men, who learned early to say “I shot you, you are dead!”  Or is it women, who learned early how to nurture and empathize and socialize? 

Here then is the point.  Men, recognize that you may need some help learning to nurture and empathize and connect with others, including your mate.  Women, don’t go around assuming your should know what to do when it comes to nurturing and loving.  You may have to gently guide them in the right direction.  Intimacy factors can be learned!  You can learn more about Fixing Relationship Problems  here.

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Making Up With Ex After Infidelity
Monday, May 18th, 2009 • admin

Cheating is, of course, one of the biggest reasons that relationships break up.  When cheating has occurred, the other person believes “I can’t ever trust him or her again.”

That is a common refrain when cheating occurs.  Trust is essential to close, intimate, real love.  When it is broken, we feel like there is no hope for getting it back.  Even if we loved much about our mate, if they cheated on us, we don’t see how we could ever be happy again with them, how could we trust them after such a sense of betrayal.  You can learn more about getting your ex back after infidelity here.

For this reason trust is one of the largest problems in break ups.  Your ex is wondering if they can ever truly trust you not to cheat on them again.  Why get back together if there is just going to be more cheating?  So when break ups happen due to cheating, on of the big issue on your ex’s mind is

Can I ever feel that I can trust you after this?

I mean, if they rejected you because of some problem behavior, like cheating, or fighting, or not communicating with them, then they need to know BEFORE they let you come back that you wont keep doing the thing they left you about.

The emotion of broken trust/betrayal is one of the toughest feelings for an ex lover to get over.  We all believe that trust takes a long time to build.  So when it’s broken, we usually believe it is unfixable, correct?

You must understand the trust issue to see how you can get back together with your ex.  If you can’t deal with the feelings of betrayal and broken trust and the complete emotional distance that it causes, you won’t be able to get back together.  And, if you do somehow luck out and they give you another chance, it won’t last, because without trust there can’t be the feeling of closeness and intimacy we all really want.

So how can you deal with and repair trust issues?  This is a large subject, but one thing that is easy to see is that in most break ups, we all try to avoid blame.  So we tend to try to lay the blame elsewhere.  We say things like “I cheated because I drank too much!”  Or, “I cheated because you were cold and distant!”  The natural way we react when big issues like cheating come up is to try to avoid the blame. 

Give those excuses to your ex and shell think you’re a weak idiot.  She may take you back, but it wont last, there will be real distance, because those excuses don’t allow her to trust you.  What if you get drunk again?  What if she is cold to you a month from now?  What if a pretty skirt tempts you tomorrow when you’re walking down the street? So one of the first powerful things you can do is accept blame.  Take full responsibility.  Don’t offer weak or lame excuses.  You can learn a full system for resolving relationship conflict here.

Instead of weak excuses, you can say something like “I know I broke your trust in me, and I’m so sorry that I did this and made you feel so hurt…”

That is a powerful start to repairing the trust.  If you got cheated on hearing that can help you to begin to deal with the infidelity.  Its like when you have kids and they screw up and you catch them and they try to lie or blame someone else it makes you much angrier.  But if they own up to it you can forgive them much more easily.

There are many other steps that need to be followed before you can truly begin to repair the trust, but this is a very big initial step!  Go here for a free course on Get Relationship Advice.

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Getting Your Ex Back Using Emotional Logic
Friday, May 08th, 2009 • admin

Ok, you’ve fought, argued, broken up, and now you want to get your ex back.  Is there any relationship advice that will work? Learning some more about these topics can help: Get Relationship Advice can help in lots of ways.

During your break up, feelings of anger or hatred or sadness replaced feelings of love and closeness, right?  You started feeling angry or betrayed instead of loving and intimate.  That’s why you fought and had a break up.  This happens every day all over the world.

But after a short while you started to have feelings of regret and you began to miss those feelings of softness and closeness you had with your mate.  What is happening is that your hurt and bad feelings are changing.  This is an important thing to note about emotions.  Angry, hurt feelings aren’t set in stone.  Feelings change.

You know this from your own life.  You’ve been sad about some things and the sadness goes away after a while, doesn’t it?  You get really angry as somebody, yet even a day later you aren’t as mad.  That’s how emotions work.  They change.  Good ones, bad ones, they will shift.  This is useful Emotional Logic to pay attention to.  Emotions shift, they change all the time for all of us.

You know this first hand.  While you were breaking up with your ex, you were angry or very hurt and sad.  Now, those feelings are being replaced, shifting back to desire and longing for the closeness and connection you had with your mate.  Now you want to give it another go.  Your feelings have shifted.  It seems obvious, but the point is important:  feelings change.

But while feelings change, some emotions can get stuck.  The can last a lot longer, can’t they?  If, for example, you cheated on your ex, this can bring up feelings of betrayal and shame.  These are very difficult emotions to process, and you ex may still be very stuck with them.  They aren’t shifting or changing very much at all!

So how can you use something like Emotional Logic to help get back with your ex?  Simple.  You can help them to vent, to get those bad feelings “off their chest.”  Help them to get them out.  So, when you talk to them, ask how they are feeling about what you did or the break up.  Then try to be quiet and give them time to form up their emotions into words and “vent” them.  Listening is an important step in or to Making Up In Hours.

Don’t argue.  Don’t defend yourself.  That just creates more argument.  Instead, make them feel heard and understood.  Ten minutes of venting can really help their negative feelings get released.   Letting your ex vent all over you a time or two after a break up can help them to let go of anger and move back towards more kindly feelings towards you.

There is a lot more to this, but helping your ex to vent their negative feelings is an important step to getting them back in your life.  Emotions change, and you want to help your ex through the process of changing their bad feelings for you into more intimate ones.

You can get a free course here about the specific steps to making up with your ex

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3 Things You Can Do To Improve Your Relationship
Thursday, May 07th, 2009 • admin

Doing just a few things you can enhance your love life.  These three secrets can enhance the quality of your love life starting today.  More detailed information on all of this is available in a free relationship course 7 Vital Relationship Insights You Never Learned In School.

Top Practice Number One:  Play!  Studies have shown that the more play you have with your partner, the less fighting there will be.  So if you are fighting a lot, play more, and test this out for yourself.  Just a few minutesa day of having a good time with your mate can begin to change the feel of your whole relationship.

So do you have a date night at least once a week where you both go spend time playing together like you did in the beginning?  Make the time to have fun with your mate!

Top Tip Number Two:  Get Better At Conflict.  Conflict will occur in any relationship.  How you manage and deal with the conflict is the key to having a better relationship.  During conflict we all tend to revert emotionally to 7 year olds, but screaming at your mate or expressing contempt are some of the big trouble signs for a marriage.

As you will be arguing with your love from time to time anyway, it is good to start now to take some time to learn how to deal with conflict in healthy ways.  One simple method is to learn to attack less during a fight and use “I” statements rather than “you” statements to discuss how you feel.  You can get some free training on conflict and Emotional Intelligence here.

Top Tip Number Three is to Minimize the Mind Reading.  Your spouse can’t read your mind.  They don’t actually just know what you want and need.  Appreciate this and help them out by asking for what you want.  If you need some quiet time, ask for it.  If you need them to just listen instead of give you their advice, ask for that as well.

By asking for what you need, you can prevent a lot of fights and sulking.  And encourage your mate to ask for what they need when they seem unhappy as well.  That’s being a good mate.

There is obviously a lot more to each of these three topics.  Books have been written on them.  But spending some time and effort on these three principles will pay off for your relationship over the long term.  If you’d like to learn more about Relationship Intelligence to transform your love life, you can fix relationship problems with a free course.

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