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Tag-Archive for » marriage therapy «

Fix the fighting now
Saturday, August 29th, 2009 • admin

One of the best things we get to experience in our lives is relationships.From the wonderful experiences of family relationships to love relationships it is great.But in a few instances what was once good can turn bad.  What was once a source of joy and excitement can become hard and painful.

I have seen this first hand helping people in couples counseling San Diego. Wat had once been a very promising relationship is now a battleground.  What was once looking like a bright future now is so bleak.What occurred and what is there that can be done to fix it?

That is a huge question and one that will be difficult to answer.Every struggling relationship will have different sets of circumstance.  But my experience as a marriage counselor San Diego has shown me there are methods you can use to bring out good solutions.

One of the things that is helpful to them is by giving them a safe place to talk.In general when you try and fix the fighting in your own home for some reason it doesn’t work.By enabling them to feel safe in an environment allows them to get comfortable and helps them work things out.

Another benefit for the couple is that extra person will be another ear to hear them out.  But not just an ear but an impartial ear.  An ear that will listen to the issues and address them impartially.Accomplishing that can work miracles.  That third person can address the issues apart from a heated argument.When a couple is in the heat of the argument and they try to fix it, it usually won’t work.

Another thing to learn that can help the couple greatly is teaching them the benefits of listening to each other.  In my practice doing marriage counseling San Diego, I help them develop these skills.These skills teaches them how to listen to each other completely rather than being the one to always win their argument.

In doing this, they are really in a position to face the issue head on. Doing these few things in a rocky relationship can work wonders.I have seen it in action countless times as a marriage counselor.

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What to look for in a marriage therapist
Sunday, August 23rd, 2009 • admin

Life, so many good times, but also some hard times.  Kind of ironic that a source of great joy can also be a source of great pain.

Where else can you experience joys like love and friendship.  Or joys of family and friends.So much joys we experience you can’t keep track of them all.Where else except in life.

But also in this life you will have plenty of painful moments.  Pains such as death, sicknesses, or wars to name a few.One of those tough times will be a marriage going through troubles.What was meant to be a relationship full of joyful experiences into a painful one.

But there is hope.  Often times marriages can be saved through counseling.  In my experience a marriage counselor in San Diego I would like to help you in finding a good marriage counselor.

One of the hardest things for a couple or for anyone is to get help from  somebody.Most definitely something as private as a relationship in trouble.  So here are a few things to look for to find good marriage counseling San Diego.

First, counselors will have diverse styles and personalities.  When talking to a counselor ask about his counseling style.  You want to make sure it fits with your personality.

Second, marriage therapists can have training that is more specialized.  Of course when a couple has problems they are going to vary from one couple to the next.So you probably will want a counselor who has gone through situations like yours with other couples.

Finally, you want to see if your therapist in San Diego specializes in marriage counseling.There will be counselors who can help in many areas.  But you might want to find one who focuses on marital problems.They could have just the right experience to help you in your marriage.

For an issue as important as trying to help a troubled marriage you want to find the best counselor out there.Lastly the decision will be yours to make.You will probably want to hunt for a good counselor.But your desired outcome will be determined on how much you are willing to work on it.

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When is the right time for Marriage Counseling?
Friday, July 24th, 2009 • admin

After a couple says “I do” in a perfect word, they live happily ever after. Unfortunately, a perfect world we do not live in. And most times, following the wedding day, that is when trouble begins.

Whatever the cause, the couple’s happy and blissful relationship all of a sudden turns cold and bitter.

In this article, I am going to draw on my experience as a family counselor San Diego to help a couple decide, when is it time for a couple to seek marriage counseling.

Disagreements, arguments, and fights happen.In most marriages it is very likely to happen.But there is a time when the couple needs to look at whether or not this is normal or part of everyday life.  Or if is too much and time to seek help.

Because left unchecked, problems in marriages can lead to ugly divorces.

So for couples seeking to keep their marriage, here are some key signs to look for and decide if marriage counseling San Diego is needed.

The first sign is do you guys bicker?Do insignificant things cause arguments? Allthough seemingly no big deal, this could be the beginning of trouble starting.

Second, do you guys find it hard to say anything nice about each other? This shows you that you two are holding contempt for each other and that is not beneficial.

A third thing is do you find that your level of respect for each other is not there?In every relationship, the couple must respect each other.

Fourth sign, do you find a loss of intimacy with each other?  This is not just for sex, although this is part of it.Does is seem like the two of you aren’t as close as you once were?

Fifth, are you happier when your spouse is not around?This sign is not good and the beginning of a break up.

Sixth thing to examine is there a loss of trust between the two of you? One of the biggest things in a relationship i trust.When you are living and sharing your intimate moments you have to have trust.

Finally, has there been unfaithfulness between one of you?Of course it seems obvious and simple.Sometimes when this does occur, unfortunately some couples choose to ignore it rather than try to deal with the issues.

Of course there a lot of other signs to look for.  But these are some big ones when deciding if it is time to seek a marriage counselor in San Diego. 

If these are some of the things you are experiencing, and to find a way to save your marriage is your goal.  You need to seek professional help to try and work out these problems.

A lot of times, a third viewpoint is very helpful for the situation, and this is why a family counselor can help.

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Marriage Therapy Advice
Wednesday, July 15th, 2009 • admin

Marriage has been described as a sacred union.As it should be.After all, when the couple say “I do” they are both agreeing that they will spend the rest of their lives together till death do them part.Even in the tough times, such as sickness and poorer.

Notice I left out the health and richer part.Because usually, those are the times that are easy.

But whatever the situation, if you are having marriage troubles, keeping the marriage healthy and happy does become a struggle.  It is during this time a family therapist San Diego might be the best option.

Because if the problems start to happen too often, it will probably be headed to a divorce.Problems like having fights, no trust, loss of intimacy, hating each other, etc.

When these things do start happening, the most important thing the couple should do is seek a marriage counselor.  why?Because even though it doesn’t feel like it is to the couple, most therapists have seen everything.And from their experience they can use it to help the couples in their troubled marriage.

So why does marriage therapy or couples therapy work?  Well I would like to share some insights from my experience as a San Diego marriage therapist.

Several factors starting with safety.A good therapist provides the couple that is in trouble a safe environment then what they are used to.An environment that they are not used to where they have their fights.

This stops the angry or hysterical outburst that happens when they are in a familiar environment.

Second, as we told you earlier, this is not something new to them.  This allows the therapist to share whether or not what the couple is going through is normal.

Third, they help in communications.Often that is usually one of the big reasons for a troubled marriage.When troubles start to happen, the husband and wife will become defensive and communications at that point becomes difficult.The therapist will be helpful in opening those lines.

Fourth, they will be helpful to the couples in regards to problem solving skills.  Obviously, there are problems.And the more prepared the husband and wife is, the easier it will be to solve their differences.

Finally, they can help the couple to understand the situation.They accomplish this by helping them listen better, share their feelings better, and then help them interpret it all.

As you can see, when their is trouble and conflict within the marriage, therapy is the best way to address it.If you do find your situation is similar to this, go seek some help.  Take it from my experience doing marriage counseling San Diego.

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Marriage Counselor Can Solve Your Relationships Hurdles
Saturday, May 02nd, 2009 • admin

marriage therapy

Until the late 20th Century, your marriage counselor might have been a sibling, a parent, a close friend or your pastor. In recent years, mental health counselors and communication therapists have extended their services to help decrease the extremely high divorce rates. The latest figures estimate that roughly 40% of all marriages end in divorce, which has opened up the doors for licensed counselors. While not every marriage is salvageable, many couples report that the “mutually agreed upon chance to start over” led to a number of significant improvements, both in habits and in attitudes.

You should endeavor to find a marriage counselor to help you avoid painful emotional outbursts. If you or your spouse spends any amount of time shouting at each other, crying or getting stuck in a constant cycle of derision and nagging, then counseling for marriage can help. Secondly, certified counselors provide added motivation to complete your plan to regain that romantic love again. Sometimes another person’s faith that your efforts will be successful is all you need to believe it yourself. While these may seem like things you might be able to do on your own, the third reason to seek counseling is to gain access to knowledge and strategies to help you achieve your goals. Over the years there have been many studies into human behavior, which can help us recognize our patterns of behavior and remedy the underlying causes of our feelings.

Finding the right marriage counselor can be very important to your success. Often couples look up a few numbers in the Yellow Pages or go with referrals from others. Be sure you choose your marriage therapy guide together, so there is no finger-pointing if the first counselor doesn’t work out. Look for marriage family counselors who have been in practice for at least seven years, who see at least 6-8 couples per week and who have specialized training. Be sure you find a therapist for couples and not just an individual therapist. Also, it’s a good idea to find someone affordable and close by, so there are no excuses to skip a session. Next, call each clinic to determine which counselor seems sincerely interested in you? Do they ask important questions to gather information or do they seem in a hurry to get off the phone with you?

The outcome of visiting a marriage counselor depends very much upon your chemistry with the counselor, as well as your firm resolve to improve. Sometimes your partner may refuse to come with you. In that case, you may still benefit from learning more about your relationship, your feelings and your reactionary pattern of behavior. Sometimes it just takes one person to break the cycle of negativity in your home. Regardless of whose fault the initial controversies were, it often only takes one committed person to end the cycle of drama. Counseling for couples can cost anywhere from $45-$200 per hour, with an average cost of $100; however, when compared to the $1,500-$30,000 for a divorce, it’s chump change for years of bliss and better understanding.

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Same Sex Marriages And Counseling
Wednesday, April 29th, 2009 • admin

same sex marriages

Same sex marriages are legal in Belgium, Canada, Norway, the Netherlands, South Africa and Spain, as well as Connecticut and Massachusetts in the United States. Vermont, New Jersey and New Hampshire offer “civil unions.” In Maine, Washington, California, the District of Columbia, Maryland and Hawaii, these out-of-state marriages are at least recognized with limited same sex benefits. There are many reasons for gay and lesbian couples to desire marriage. Why shouldn’t these couples be able to ceremonially express their deep love for one another? Why shouldn’t these couples be able to gain tax benefits, property rights and hospital visitation rights as heterosexual couples do? Though there has been much contention over gay marriages, this small ceremony has become the next great civil rights struggle of the 21st century.

In some ways, a same sex marriage will suffer the same trials and tribulations as their heterosexual counterpart, as both will argue about finances, power struggles, household chores, child rearing, autonomy and intimacy. Also, a 2008 study by the American Psychological Association found that same sex couples are just as happy and committed in their romantic relationships as heterosexual couples.

However, researchers have also noted that civil marriages of gay and lesbian couples showcase different conflict styles. Same sex marriages researcher and author Esther Rosenblum found that “Same-sex couples tend to use effective arguing. They give each other a fair hearing, and their conflicts are brief and quickly forgotten. Heterosexual couples argue ineffectively. Their conflicts are more frustrating and don’t get solved for days.” She adds that gay and lesbian couples come from the same cultural backgrounds, which makes it easier for them to resolve conflicts. “When women argue, they tend to focus on the relationship, and when men argue, they tend to focus on logic and problem solving,” she explains.

Politically, widespread legalization of same sex marriages still has a long way to go. Religious leaders outwardly condemn such unions, arguing that we must “preserve the sanctity of marriage.” Other strict interpreters of the law argue that marriage is defined as “the union between a man and a woman,” and therefore cannot include civil marriages between man and man or woman and woman. Even so, many other politicians and members of society feel that discrimination based on sexual orientation is unjust and unfair. They advocate for same sex benefits and unions that are not called “marriage” to bridge the gap.

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Family Marriage Counseling Is Here To Help
Sunday, April 26th, 2009 • admin

family marriage counseling

Family marriage counseling is based on the premise that individual symptoms can be cured by improving communication skills and conflict-resolution patterns within the overall household. There are many initial reasons why a family may seek out a family marriage counselor. Perhaps an unruly teen is acting out violently in school, abusing drugs, self-harming or binge eating. Other times, a couple may be locked into a destructive pattern of domestic violence, unable to resolve differences or encountering disputes over child rearing. Regardless of the initial reason, certified counselors will give each member of the family a fresh perspective on how their words and actions influence others.

A professional who is licensed in marriage and family counseling is someone who is trained in psychotherapy and family systems, as well as someone who is licensed to diagnose and treat mental disorders. On average, family and marriage therapists will have thirteen years or more of clinical practice in their field and hold a Master’s or Doctoral degree in marriage therapy and family counseling. Since 1970, the number of marriage family counselors has burgeoned from 237 to 23,000, who are licensed in 48 states and are actively treating more than 1.8 million people.

There are many benefits of seeking family marriage counseling. In this safe environment, family members can finally express their feelings openly and honestly, without the situation escalating into destructive and hurtful shouting, physical violence or animosity. Certified counselors can guide the discussion, identify problem areas and train family members in communication skill building and positive problem solving methods. Sometimes what needs to be changed isn’t always entirely obvious and it takes a trusted, impartial professional to help those involved to understand how he or she is part of the problem, rather than part of the solution. Attending counseling sessions is often viewed as an opportunity for a “fresh start,” which in itself can facilitate successful healing.

When looking for family marriage counseling professionals, parents should seek someone with a graduate or post-graduate doctoral degree. Family and marriage therapists may come from a background in psychology, psychiatry, nursing, social work, pastoral counseling or education. The Federal government has designated family and marriage therapy as one of the core branches for mental health counselors. An appropriate counselor should be certified and listed with the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (AAMFT).

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